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Essay help please!!????????

I wrote this essay and it's not quite an essay yet. It is about my wedding experience. This is my rough draft as you can tell. I know it needs alot of improvement. What do I need to change? Where do I need to improve. Please check this over for me. Choose a topic from your personal knowledge and experience Write 3 to 10 pages (or between 750 to 2500 words) Write in your own words from your perspective or point of view, using the pronoun I Capture your reader’s attention with an interesting introductory paragraph Use specific examples to show what you mean Use concrete or vivid words Use complete sentences as well as vary your sentence length and structure Use fully developed paragraphs where each paragraph has only one main idea with enough supporting details to develop that idea clearly and logically My whole wedding planning experience and the day I got married July 4, 2008 are the most memorable days of my life. The reason for choosing July 4 was because that was the day we became girlfriend and boyfriend. I realized it was time to get married after observing my boyfriend and getting to know him better, I decided he was the one with whom I wanted to share the rest of my life with. It was during the month of March when we picked out our wedding date. I noticed the time was nearing so quickly. Finally time to start planning. First I made an appointment with David’s Bridal to try on wedding dresses. One day while my husband was out working my best friend offered to take me. I then looked through a catalog and marked my favorite dresses. I am a very picky person. So I wanted my wedding dress to be the perfect one. I like to take my time in order to make a good decision. The lady that brings the dresses to you wasn’t helping out much. It seems like she really didn’t care and I could walk out with any dress as long as she made a sale. I really liked one dress a lot. But it was time to go my appointment was over. I still wanted to try on more dresses just in case there was another dress way over the top beautiful. The lady said if I wanted to try on more dresses I should make another appointment. I finally left with a dress in mind. My next plan was to decide on where I wanted to get married. I began to do some local research on the Internet. I wrote down numbers and called. They were either all booked out or closed on July 4. I finally got too frustrated that I was thinking about canceling all my plans of a wedding and take a trip to the courthouse instead. No hassles and stress free is the way to be. I still wanted a wedding dress even to get married at the courthouse. I still wanted something special for us even though it was going to be the two of us. A few months went by getting closer to the date. One day my husband and I were taking care of errands when we pass a place that turns out to be a place to have a wedding. So we go check it out and really loved the place. It made us change our mind to have a wedding. A few days later I went into a store to look around at wedding stuff. There was a lady there that introduced me to her. Her name was Patty. She was really nice and really cared it turns out she does photography, catering makes cakes and more. Everything I needed. So one day my husband and I were driving around and I see this big yellow sign from the road. I tell him to turn around to see what it said. It was a big beautiful mansion. That read weddings, parties and graduations. We go in there the lady shows the package plans available and gives us details. We were sitting with her at a round table. She just starred at us with those eyes that say sign the contract already. It didn’t seem like she realized that it was a big step to take. A lot of money and a lot of things to think about. We talked about it and decided to take the offer only 4 days left until July 4. We told my family about it and my mom was thrilled. On the other hand my grandma was saying we couldn’t plan a wedding in four days. Even though I was telling her I already paid for it and signed the contract. She thought it was too impossible for me. The lady patty told me from the store she could be my photographer. She also made my bouquet for me. My husband took me back to David’s bridal. I invited my two sisters to come along. I tried on a few more dresses while my husband stayed out in the car. He can’t see me until our wedding day of course. I picked out my necklace, earrings, and tiara. My sister bought me a veil as a wedding gift. I was ready to check out. I ended up buying the dress I liked from the first appointment. My husband and I went to look for rings that same day we went to zales. A lot of rings to choose from and I was stuck between two favorites. I finally picked out the one I liked so did my husband. Except I did something different he bought me and engagement ring to be my wedding ring. I like them better. We bought the rings and I deci

Public Comments

1. I suggest that you read this webpage and try and structure it closer to how it outlines: http://www.usq.edu.au/extrafiles/ltsu/templates/ltsu_templates/essay_structure.htm
2. An introductory para with more punch - perhaps something along the lines of your first sentence - with 'it's a good job marriage is for keeps - I wouldn't want to go through all that again. - this might persuade the reader to carry on. Divide it into more paragraphs and make sure the information in each is related. Make sure you write full sentences - ('Everything I needed' isn't really a sentence). If necessary make it a clause to the previous sentence with a colon or semi. You do see this occaisioinally - but someone will be marking this so you have to play the game. Plans 'for' a wedding - rather than 'of'. Keep an eye on tenses: eg 'The lady that brings the dresses to you wasn’t helping out much' The Lady who brought out the dresses wasn't helping much). Avoid colloquiallisms - hassle. Make sure all proper names begin with caps. Otherwise - looking good: just needs a little polishing, and you are there.