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Fighting with Fiance?

Recently I cant stop thinking about the terrible way my fiance proposed to me. After about a month of blatantly weird sneaky behavior (him buying a ring), I started to get a pretty clear sense that he was going to propose soon. This was something we had previously talked about and both wanted. Im 24 and he is 29 and we have lived together 1 year already. Then this is what happened one night. At the time he almost never went out with his guy friends but he decided to that night bc I had a lot of job related work to do that night as I am self employed and every so often end up with a big project. He came home drunk while I was sitting on the couch working, and after telling me a lot of sweet things about how much he loved me (slurring his words) he whispered "i bought you a diamond ring" and proceeded to show me a picture of the type of ring, carat size and everything on the internet that it was bc he wanted to know if i liked it I was shocked and stunned, my world felt crazy. I love this person and this is the moment we decide to spend the rest of our lives together. Yet I also felt disgusted. What a drunken mess. He had just eaten like 6 burritos from taco bell and this was not the proposal i dreamed about as a little girl. Also, SHOULD i even be showing my reaction? He had only showed me a picture of the type of ring and not the actual ring. That coming weekend we were set to go to ny for my moms wedding to the man she had been with for the past 8 yrs, which was a big deal. In order to not upstage her, he told me he was going to wait for our "real" proposal. That whole week I was anxious and excited. I knew what was coming yet was not allowed to celebrate or show any signs of it. plus the surprise factor was kind of ruined. the day after we came back I was laying on the couch tired after our long trip and I said something kind of joking like "so...should I not expect that thing you told me about anytime soon?" and to my shock and slight horror right then he got the ring got down on one knee and said will you marry me as i lay on the couch! it was the most unromantic, unthought-out thing. he didnt put one ounce of effort into it and it was in the exact same place as the drunken proposal, so why did he make me wait an extra week thinking he was planning something special on top of the whole month prior to that where he had hinted to me?? Instead of being happy I actually cried WITH DISSAPOINTMENT bc he had created SUCH build up over the past month that i guess I expected some sort of huge extravaganza and when i realized my life story would begin with a drunken proposal followed by me laying on a couch, I felt super let down and dissapointed. We tend to always communicate clearly and say whats on our minds. So I did and he was very hurt! He took back the ring and said he blew it, and that the only thing to do would be for us to move out, build our relationship back up and try again. I realized I didnt want to lose him over this, and we are starting a business together too which has also been putting a huge added strain on our relationship, and why move out for this when we were otherwise happy? But after trying to figure out what to do for 2 hours, i asked if we could just do it again in the garden which we had worked on making beautiful together. i waited out in the garden for him and he came over put some flowers in my hair and for some reason when he asked me this time he got teary eyed and I could tell it meant a lot to him and it was meaningful and special to me. To all our friends who ask we only tell them the last part. But lately we've been fighting about other things when we usually never fight and I can't help but now ( a month later) think back on that whole event and think how he didnt make the effort up front to plan some special memorable proposal like most guys do. I love the ring and I know he put effort into choosing it, but (HERE'S THE QUESTION) does the fact that he didnt plan a special proposal on his own when he knew I would have wanted that mean that he doesnt value me or that he wont put effort into doing special things for me in the future? or when we are married? will he ever think to do it on his own or will I always be dissapointed at first? The business we are starting together is another factor in this whole equation. I've been constantly nagging him lately about everything and maybe that is the reason we're fighting? I feel terrible for doing it, but there is so much that needs to get down and since I am in charge more on the business aspect and he is more in charge on the physical aspect, its kind of my job to delegate tasks, yet i keep nagging about it! I swear, the year we spent together before this stuff was amazing, and I really do love him, but now that we are talking about spending the rest of our lives together I cant help jumping on every bad thing I see, dwelling on it and wondering if I should

Public Comments

I can't believe how you're making this into such a huge deal. Are you sure there isn't something else? If not, this is total drama on your part. I've been married for 7 years to the man of my dreams. My proposal came on a hot tarmac while we were in a weather delay headed for a weekend getaway. I was sick with cramps, I was puking into a whoopie bag and yelling about suing the airline (lol..I was totally miserable) and he pulled the ring out of his pocket and said "will this help"? And I was like "you're asking me to MARRY you?!?" Then he nodded and people around us started applauding. And, no, this was not how I pictured it.
please don't be upset at your fiancee. I completely understand how you're feeling. My husband did almost the exact same with. he went to a hockey game with his friends once night and then phoned me drunk every couple minutes to tell me 'he loved me' and that he picked up an engagement ring for me. So it must be some 'guy' thing to go get drunk after they make a huge purchase like that and to celebrate with their buddies... his proposal wasn't that great either. he phoned me when i was at work and told me to come over because he wanted to see me. i was tired from working all day, so i was grumpy. i think he should have waited for a more special time to propose, but i know that him having the ring and wanting to propose...he just didn't want to wait any longer....
1. You, my dear, are a f--king drama queen. 2. Your guys is NOT a knight in shining armor on a white horse. 3. WTF is with you expecting "the proposal" when you've been living with him (and f--king his brains out) for a year. Go tell your daddy that you're still "a virgin" and you want a $50,000 church wedding, reception, and WHITE gown. (I can hear the laughter now....) 4. ... and you're expecting to start a business with this guy, and live happily ever after? Bwwaaa-Hahahahahahahahahaha....
You created all of your disappointment yourself. Are guys innately romantic? NO! Expecting him to write a proposal with a prop plane is like expecting him to sort all the laundry into colors and not shrink your wool sweater. Some guys are better at it than others. Real guys are not the guys in chick flicks. And it doesn't mean you're not worth him putting a lot of thought into it; it's just that he's not that type of guy. I proposed to my fiancé by telling him, "We might as well get married while we're in Hawaii on vacation. It's cheap." His response was, "Okay." Our entire relationship is no-fuss because we MAKE it so. Instead, you've taken what's supposed to be a happy moment -- choosing to spend your life with someone -- to be an ugly moment that, should the two of you actually get married, you will probably be hateful toward for your entire life. That is not the way to start a life together. He will ALWAYS be dull normal in the romance department, but are you expecting a fairy tale? Can you accept him for WHO HE IS or will you always be wishing he was more of a Prince Charming type? You need to ask yourself these questions because you're going to have a very unhappy marriage if you don't knock your expectations down a few notches. Sorry.
If the way he proposed has offended you so much, why did you say yes? You need to stop acting like a spoilt bratty child and get over this or agree to his suggestion to break things off, he was right to be offended and upset about your reaction. Yes he was drunk the first time, but he was more than likely nervous because you sound like a complete overbearing diva, who wouldnt have been satisfied with anything he had planned unless it involved whisking you away on a yacht and spraying you with champagne. Be grateful for what the proposal means, he is telling you he wants to spend the rest of his life with you, and if that isnt good enough for you, do him a favour and let him go.
Wow you are being such a crybaby about this. What was he missing? Fireworks? Venetian boat ride under the bridge? Life is not a fairytale and you are not a princess, either you accept his sloppy proposal or you don't. My fiance's proposal was lame too but I got over it in about 5 seconds, because its just not that important.
Wow, I feel sorry for your fiancé. You're rather high maintenance. A little piece of advice... virtually NOTHING you've dreamed about since you were a little girl is going to turn out how you wanted it to. Not his proposal, not your wedding, not your dream job, not your attempts at conception, nor your experiences as a wife, parent, or grandparent. It will ALL take you by surprise, and if you're going to keep being disappointed that it doesn't turn out how you wanted it to, then you're going to miss out on appreciating the good things as they are because you'll be obsessing too much over what they are not. I didn't have a big dream proposal either. My husband and I decided to get engaged the weekend before our families would be meeting for the first time. So we went and picked out a ring, and I started wearing it. I didn't say anything, just waited for people to notice. No big "to do" at all. Today, I'm very happily married to the most awesome hubby ever, and THAT is what is important... the marriage. Not so much everything leading up to it.
The business isn't another factor, hon, it's a whole set of issues unto itself. I wouldn't be surprised if it is bleeding over into your relationship stress, though; if you never get a break from each other, that's automatically going to magnify the other person's faults. If I were you, I'd focus on one at a time: either put any wedding-related thoughts aside and make sure you're the best business partners you can be, or decide that now's not the time to launch that venture and concentrate on your relationship. But no point in entering into two risky financial and legal commitments until you're sure that at least one of them is going to work out.
Before my fiance proposed I did the dumbest thing in the world and watched all these romantic proposals on youtube. When he proposed it was at a bus stop after we walked forever and I was sick and had blisters and pretty much miserable but when he did it that moment I realized that was just him and he even said he wanted me to remember it just as we are and not an act. Get over it, you are living with this man and said yes! What are you going to do when someone sneezes while you are saying your vows? Make them start over so it is all perfect? There are no re-dos in life so either take him as he is or search the rest of your life for that perfect man that isn't out there.