Free Garden Catalogs

Is This First Chapter of my Book Any Good?

Am I on The Right Track with this? summary:when alba kingsley travels to Scotland.she finds letters in the mansion she's staying in that were dated back in 1943.she sets off to find who wrote the letters and uncovers a lot more than she expected. Here it is:) Lovingly Yours Chapter 1. It was July 12th. I was extremely excited since I had been waiting like forever for this day to come.After months of begging,my brother, Kyle. He would finally be taking me to Scotland with him. My brother is a photographer-He gets assigned to places all around the world. And I’ve been begging him ever since he got this job. To take me with him someday. He finally agreed to. My brother doesn’t really look anything like me. He has dark hair, and I have a sort of caramel-bronze type of hair. He was named after our mom’s brother, and I was named after the place my mom grew up in:Albany,New York. Of course my last name isn’t New York. But my name is Albany Rachelle Kingsley. But I preferred to be called Alba, and I am willing to correct anyone who mistakingly calls me Albany. I was packing my bags when Kyle pulled up in the driveway. This is the first time I am going to be flying.So,for me it’s a memorable moment. “Are you ready to go? “He asked, when he got out of his car. I nodded. I wasn’t really nervous when we finally got on the plane. Just slightly stunned for some reason. After many hours of desperately waiting in the plane, we finally arrived in Edinburgh. The airport wasn’t crowded, thankfully. There was a man holding up a sign that read: Kyle Kingsley.The man drove us to the place we would be staying at.”Oh yeah,did you know that we’re staying in this mansion that’s called ‘Kingsley Manor’? “I know it’s weird. “Said Kyle. It was weird, and kind of mysterious.Kingsley Manor was quite indeed the most wonderful place you should live in. Or stay in for the time being. It had a gray trim and was made entirely of brick. There was a lady who said her name was Greta. Her appearance was quite frightening, but I’m sure she was a nice person. She was the housekeeper of the place “Ma’am could you please show us to our rooms? “Kyle asked politely. We went up a staircase that was completely covered in dark blue carpet. Greta led us to a room that had a strange look to it. The walls were painted a robin blue and the windows looked as if they hadn’t been cleaned in a long time. After a long moment of silence. Greta started to lead Kyle out of the room which was to be mine and led Kyle to his own. I put my suitcases down on the hard wood floor, and placed my duffel on the bed. I sprung into action right away starting with unpacking my things. I opened the ancient-looking drawers and put my things away in them. I found a picture of My home back in Jersey and tucked it in the side of the mirror that was connected to the drawers. My mom was probably at work—her second home. Sometimes I think it’s her only home. Since I was born she wanted nothing more than to go back to work. I was practically raised by Kyle. Who’s 26.I’m 14.There is a big age difference, but I don’t mind. My dad who was A firefighter back in Jersey was killed four years ago. I haven’t been able to really pull myself together until about a year ago. Kyle’s like a rock to me. After I was finished packing it was time for dinner. I wasn’t really hungry but it was quite good. I had no trouble sleeping that night, since the plane ride had made me drowsy. When I woke up the next day the sun was shining brightly into the windows that needed to be clean. I was planning on passing breakfast this morning. Kyle greeted me and told me that I had slept for 12 ½ hours. It was 10:00 am. He asked if I wanted to take a tour of the grounds, of course I would. There was a path that wound down to the garden which was beautiful; flowers of all sorts were in this Eden. What really added its touch was the fountain which had about 4 or 5 lily pads in it. Kyle and I threw pennies in it. After about an hour of looking around the manor. Kyle said he was headed up to town. I said I would much rather enjoy staying here. I walked back into the manor and asked Greta if it would be okay if I toured the place. “Go right ahead”. She said. I decided that I would start upstairs with the many rooms that awaited me. Nothing was interesting so far. I ran back downstairs for something that I could tidy the room with. As I trodded up the stairs to my room another room across the hall caught my attention. It was filled with boxes and in the corner of the room I saw a small chest covered in dust. I opened it not thinking. Then I found them. The letters that changed my life forever. Is it any good?I'm only 12.

Public Comments

1. It looks okay, though parts of it are a little confusing. What I would do if I were you, would be to go to myfandoms.com or fictionpress.com, which is the best place for critiques on your work.
2. It's really good! I'm 13 and I've written a whole story and still don't have a title for it. Good Luck. :) ♥
3. Well, if this is the rough copy I can understand the grammar problems. But maybe you should give it to your parents and ask them for some advice. I'm 12 and I write too lol, but I read A LOT and I've found that, that really helps with grammar, and learning how to phrase things. And a tip: When ever someone says something you make a new paragraph, Example; "Do you want to go to the store with me, Kelly?" Brian asked. "I would love that!" Kelly replied with excitement in her voice. Its just stuff like that. Proper placing of paragraphs is a big deal. Because when it's all put together like that it doesn't look professional. These are just some tips :) And if you want to read a good book by a good writer, read the Maximum Ride series by James Patterson. It's a really good teen book written by someone who does adult novels. So it's not like the writer is immature. So just work on the grammar, but other then that really good! It's nice to see someone my age writing and isn't writing stuff like the other things I've read lol. Good luck! I hope this hobby proceeds into a carrier for you!
4. This is actually amazing! i'm 18 and have wanted to be able to write since i was your age but i've never had enough imagination for it. so i read A LOT. obviously there are gramatical errors but this can only be expected from a writer your age, plus if this is a rough copy then you can always improve :) All in all its a really good idea for a plot and any errors can easily be fixed. while i can't imagine things good enough to write i'm ok at the grammatical stuff so if you need any of it proof reading/editing email me and i would love to look at it for you :) keep writing you might be the next big thing :D