Free Garden Catalogs - What do you think of my short story?

What do you think of my short story?

The surroundings around me were beautiful; everything was covered in a bright white layer of snow, so bright that I had to scrunch my eyes up in order to see properly. The trees were sprinkled with a crisp, white topping and the heads of the flowers peeping through the snow, glistened in the winter sun. As I looked at the ground below me, I was surprised to find small, hoof shaped prints in the snow. I pulled the collar of my coat up around my ears and trudged forward through the snow, battling against the strong blizzard that was pushing against me. There was more than one set of prints; whatever creature they belonged to, there was a large group of them; maybe nine or ten. I pressed forward, fighting against the almighty force that did not want me to continue on my path. The icy breeze whistled through my ears and flakes of snow danced around my face. After a few minutes of walking, a silhouette of a building became visible in the distance; it looked like a small cabin of some sort. I increased my speed and forced myself through the snow. As the building grew closer and became more focused, I was shocked to see that it was different to any other cabin I had seen before. The neat, picket fence that bordered the log cabin was made of red and white striped candy canes. Fairy lights twinkled in every window and tiny garden gnomes lined the pathway to the entrance. I carefully pushed the gate open and walked down the perfect pathway to the door. I tapped lightly on the door and waited for an answer. A silhouette of a large man appeared in the window and I heard a key twisting in the lock. A round faced man with a big, bushy white beard popped his head around the door and stared down at me through half moon spectacles. “Ah Milly! I have been expecting you!” boomed the man. “How did you know my name?” I asked, bewildered. “I know every child’s name, Milly. I am Santa Claus” he chuckled. “Don’t be silly. I’m fourteen, I know that Santa doesn’t exist!” “But of course he does. He is standing right in front of you” “Just because you say you’re Santa, doesn’t mean you are. All of the Santa Claus’ in the supermarkets say that they are the real Santa, but they’re not; they’re just men dressed in Santa suits!” I shuddered as remembered back to the day I had discovered the horrible truth. “Ah, you have been sent to me for a reason Milly. Do you know what that reason is?” “No” “It is for me to prove to you that I do exist and for me to restore your belief in me. Will you let me do that Milly?” “You can try, but I don’t think you will be able to....” I faltered “um, Mr Claus” “Just call me Santa” he winked. I followed the man through the door and across a quaint hallway. We reached another door and he gestured for me to open it. I pushed hard against the solid oak door and was surprised to see what the room behind it contained. Hundreds of tiny people, wearing green hats and stripy shoes with turned up toes were hard at work making every kind of toy imaginable. I found it baffling that a room of this size could fit into the tiny cabin; there was no logical reason for it. “This is my workshop Milly” I stared, opened mouthed at the elves. I tried to think of something to say but words escaped me. “We won’t be staying here though; I have something else to show you” He made his way through the workshop, taking long and even strides; I quickened by pace to keep up with him. We went through another door and I gasped in shock as I noticed a large, gold and red sleigh sitting in the middle of the room. Nine magnificent reindeer were lined up in front of the sleigh. I looked at their hoofs and thought back to the prints I had seen in the snow; they matched perfectly. “These are my reindeer, I’m sure you already know their names from the famous Christmas carol” chuckled Santa. “Yes” I whispered. “And which is your favourite, Milly?” “Rudolf, of course” I laughed “Is it true that his light really glows?” “Why don’t you go take a look for yourself?” I walked past the line of reindeer until I reached the front. One reindeer stood alone at the front of the line. I looked at his name tag; Rudolf. “So you’re Rudolf huh?” I said, patting him lightly on this head. Suddenly, Rudolf’s nose burst into a blinding red light making me cover my eyes with my hand. “Wow!” “How about a picture?” asked Santa. “Um, ok then” I put my hopped on to Rudolf’s back and smiled. The camera flash exploded in my face as Santa took the picture. “There you go” said Santa, handing me the developed polaroid. “Now, how about a ride on my sleigh?” “Really?” “Hop in” smiled Santa patting the passenger seat. I jumped into the seat and clutched onto the rail in front of me. Santa sat in the driver’s seat and tugged on the reins. The reindeer began to run towards the open doors. The reindeers were running so fast that the wind ruffled through my hair and rippled against my cheeks; it was amazing. “Stop” i crie “Stop” i cried out in horror as i realised that the floor beneath us suddenly dissapeared after the doors. The reindeer continued hurtling towards the deadly drop but Santa paid no attention to my pleas to stop. I flung my hands over my eyes as we approached the drop and braced myself for the fall. The relieved to feel myself rise instead of fall and pulled my hand away from my eyes to see what had happened. I was amazed to see that we were soaring through the air. “Ho!Ho!Ho!” boomed Santa. I peered over the edge of the sleigh; the streets below looked like little toy towns and the people looked like tiny specks of dust. Suddenly, the sleigh jerked forward and i was flung from my seat. I screamed in horror as i plummeted through the sky. “Santaaaa!!” I screamed but the sleigh was no where in sight. I squeezed my eyes together and prepared myself for the inevitable. Everything was deadly silent as i was plunged into darkness. “Thats it” i thought to myself “I must be dead” I was suddenly aware of a warm, comfortable surface underneath me. I forced my eyes open and was relieved to find that i was laying in my bed. “Phew! It was just a dream!” I sighed “I knew that Santa wasn’t real!” I rumaged around on the bedside table, looking for my glass of water to soothe my dry throat. I grew frustrated when i could not find it and stuck my arm out to turn on my bedside lamp. As the room illuminated i gasped in disbelief; there, propped up neatly against the lamp was the photograph of me and Rudolf taken by Santa. I grabbed the photograph and stared at it in shock. I turned to the back of the photo and there, written in the most perfect of handwriting was a message; “To Milly, you must believe! Love Santa and Rudolf x”. © Opinions would be appreciated :) Sorry for the 'typos' i wrote this while i was supposed to be working so it is kind of rushed! lol

Public Comments

I actually enjoyd it! The descriptions are very crisp and clear. Work a bit on your grammer but the rest I really liked. It grabs attention in a great way that readers will wnat to continiue reading :) Good Luck! Answer Mine? http://ca.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AoTmUBxKXfhY.0rEEuOVS3fAFQx.;_ylv=3?qid=20091203113519AAYRC8I
I love how when I read your stories, I can just imagine myself right there! There are a couple of typos, and I call them typos because I know how good you are with grammar, punctuation etc. Are you in a christmasy mood, now? lol :) oh will you answer mine, Im trying to see if I have edited it right, and let me know if you see any mistakes? http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AlAw8bOsFVGsXjU6MblhMx7sy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20091203104234AAvpjjs
I really liked the story, and i think you should consider writing more short story's like that but have the characters or a deserted island or a holiday resort like Disney land or Hollywood. But I really did enjoy reading your Santa Claus story :D
Why are you in the woods in the first place? Where did you come from? Would you really enter a house with a stranger? Would you really go through a second door? You have no apprehension? No fear? I hopped on to Rudolf’s back and smiled. rummage realized Your story is really cute, and you show potential in your story. keep it up