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Feedback on a poem I wrote about my grandfather?

This is just a poem I wrote about my grandfather. It's got a lot of stuff in it that other people might not understand, but I think the loving tone is still conveyed, even if you can't understand all the correspondance :] I'd love some feedback. Also, there are some words in it that are not in English, I will put asterisks next to them and translate them at the bottom! Warning: its long Grandwater I know I’m still your granddaughter But am I still your grandwater- melon that is ? Can I eat a watermelon With seeds And sticky juice Smeared on my face And on your clean white sheets? Don’t tell! Can I sit in your lap Rest my head on your shoulder Sit so near that I mingle with the sandalwood scent Of your skin? Can I graze my fingers Over your red age spots And your round squishy birth mark The one that daddy has too And giggle? Will you pat my back And tell your maga* To tate* Until the whirring of the old fan And the blanket of Bombay heat And the Peanut walla’s* distant screaming And Ajji’s* kitchen clanging And the soothing aroma of wadis* Puts me to sleep? Then will you lie next to me On the stark white cot In your stark white lungi* And snore? Until I wake up And pluck a curly white hair From your curly white head And swirl it across your crumpled face Until you sneeze Illuminating all your wrinkles And smile? Will you converse with me Like a grown up About things I don’t understand And pretend not to notice That I’m pretending to understand? Will you walk faster than me With your hands behind your back And your chest out And when I yell ‘not so fast!’ Tell me it’s good for digestion? Will you take me to the snail garden Wielding a stolen banana leaf To protect me from the mosquitos? Will you still brag about me To your senior society? Show me off Pass me around Beam at me Coddle me And smile Our secret smile Because only I Can be your special Grandwater- melon that is But mostly I need to know Will I still be your grandwater- melon that is Even If I have to sit in a chair Instead of your lap Even If I get a B in chemistry And math Even If I wear short skirts And makeup Even If I talk about boys Instead of books Even If I like pizza More than wadis Even If I no longer Pretend to understand But really do understand More than you Ever will Can’t we still just be Grandfather and Grandwater? Translations: Maga: Child Tate: Sleep Walla: Vendor Ajji: Grandmother Wadi: An indian sweet Lungi: A traditional south Indian garment worn by men (a cloth wrapped around the waist) Thanks! These are some of my favorite childhood memories, and I love getting caught up in the nostalgia of them!

Public Comments

1. all i know any grandfather would be delighted and proud to see a poem that took that much dedication
2. My God. Rarely do I like anything in this damned section, but that was beautiful.
3. Wonderful! I usually am not a fan of poetry, but that was delightful. I'm sure your grandfather would love it.
4. Wow I actually like this one better than your Heart-sicle poem. It also has a lot of emotion and depth like the other poem, but you use a lot of really great description in this one as well. When I was reading it, I started thinking about my grandfather and the good times we used to have. This is just, overall, a really heartwarming poem that has a sort of story to go a long with it. Keep up the great work, and once again, thank you so much for commenting my poem!
5. I am speechless....this is a wonderful poem. It fulfills my every need! You must take it to www.poetsofmars.com